I choose the stick …

From time to time, I make rash decisions and put myself through complete and utter torture. I’ve done bootcamp a few times, tried belly dancing (which was more emotionally scarring than physical), trained for a half-marathon and had countless other “great” ideas turn painful. This week? The Cleanse!!! I came home from work today with an enormo bottle of pills and told Dan that a coworker and I had made a pact to do a cleanse together. She’ll be doing a cleanse that I did last December; however, I’ve ventured into the unsafe and decided to try something completely new and unknown. Dan’s response: ugh that means wheat flour and no ice cream again; ok fine, but you’re not using MY bathroom!! Can you at least make that lemonade parfait stuff? As usual, he got over it pretty quickly as he knows it’s difficult to sway me once I’ve made up my mind about something. Easier to grin and bear it than argue the unwinnable argument.

Last December, I had more vacation time than I could carry forward into the new year and decided to take the week of Christmas off. In typical fashion, I was unable to sit still after the first few minutes Saturday morning (even before the first work-day off), took my car to get an oil change, and while walking around Wal-Mart trying to waste time while waiting on my car, I wandered into the scary vitamin aisle and had the GREAT idea to purchase a cleanse. I sat there waiting on my car, read the little pamphlet cover-to-cover and prepared myself mentally for the inevitable physical pain. As with anytime I decide to do something crazy like cut out carbs or give up my vino, I went on a total food bender and put off starting the cleanse until Monday. Monday morning, after Dan went to work and before a visit to the dog park, I googled, searched blogs and read message boards trying to understand what I had gotten myself into. It scared me sh*tless, but I’d made my mind up and I was going to get through it no matter what!! Just before lunch, after the visit to the dog park, I took my first dose … nothing. Before bed, I took my second dose … nothing. Day 1 came and went with nothing notable. Day 2 came and went with nothing notable.

Day 3. While not painful and awful, it wasn’t fun. I tend to be a private person when it comes to those things, even though the rest of my company (minus a few) clearly do not have my same issue, so I won’t go into too much detail. Day 4, fine. Day 5: I decided that I was fine, my body prevailed and had won out in the fight against the cleanse. I was going to be fine so why not just eat what I want instead of keeping to the high-fiber, low-cal, low-fat, fruit and vegetable rich diet … I wanted WINGS!! Big mistake, big, HUGE mistake (see Pretty Woman). Day 6, wings still hurt. Day 7, fine. Day 8 … 7lbs down!! Initially, I thought it was just water weight and the wings that made the difference, but two weeks later those 7lbs became 10lbs and stayed off. The cleanse was a success.

Now as I sit here perched on the edge of summer with zero will to eat right or exercise, I’ve decided to try another cleanse to kick start my efforts. While I could just do the same one I did before, I couldn’t find it in the store and was too impatient to wait and go to another store. Therefore, I bought a different kind of cleanse to try. So at least for the next 14, yes, 14 days I will eat healthy and do some exercise, if for no other reason than the fear of the consequence. In the age old tale of the carrot and the stick, I choose the stick. With my whole wheat banana bread baking away in the oven for my week’s breakfasts and the turkey chili simmering on the stove for lunches, I am prepared. Wish me luck!!!